As I prepare to write the next chapter about my paternal grandfather, Jorge Alcino “Xabregas,” I’ve realized that this journey into my family’s past has started revealing things about my own story too.
Before I go any further with his life in Coimbra, I want to pause and acknowledge the unexpected parallels that have surfaced. This isn’t a detour — it’s part of the unpeeling.
Music as a Lifeline Across Generations
I grew up without a steady father figure. By the time I was twelve, that absence had become a defining part of my life. And like many kids trying to make sense of a world that suddenly felt uncertain, I gravitated toward something that gave me structure, belonging, and expression: music.
In the 90s, I fell in love with four‑part men’s acappella groups — those tight harmonies that felt like they could hold you together when everything else was coming apart. I decided to learn the double‑string bass in junior high, and that dedication led to the Grade Nine Music Award, handed to me by the head of the music department at Central Commerce Collegiate in Toronto’s Little Portugal.
Later, because my high school didn’t have a strings program, I switched to electric bass in the school band. That opened the door to joining a four‑part male vocal group, discovering the thrill of being part of a sound bigger than myself.
Only now, as I uncover my grandfather’s life, do I realize how deeply this echoes him.
He too grew up without a stable father figure.
He too found refuge in music.
He too was recognized for it.
Two lives, decades apart, drawn to the same language.
Leadership, Community, and the Instinct to Belong
The more I learn about Xabregas, the more I see that he wasn’t just a musician — he was socially active, respected, and involved in the student life of Coimbra. He belonged to groups, helped shape associations, and moved easily within academic circles.
And when I look back at my own youth, I see a similar pattern:
- Captain of the soccer team
- Third board on the chess team
- Elected student council president in high school
- Comfortable navigating different social groups
- Often stepping into leadership without being asked
At the time, I thought I was simply ambitious or curious.
But now, with distance, I can admit something I never said out loud.
Part of the reason I got involved in so many things was because home wasn’t always an easy place to be. Growing up in a strict, single‑mother Portuguese household in Toronto meant there were rules, expectations, and a kind of emotional intensity that I didn’t always know how to navigate.
So I stayed late at school.
I joined teams.
I joined clubs.
I found reasons not to go home.
Those activities became my breathing room — my way of creating space for myself, my way of finding belonging in places where I felt understood.
And strangely, as I learn more about my grandfather, I’m beginning to wonder if he did something similar in his own youth. Maybe music and student life were his escape too. Maybe the things we think we choose freely are sometimes the things that choose us.
The next chapter about Xabregas — his guitar, his groups, his life in Coimbra — isn’t just about him anymore. It’s also about the unexpected ways his story has begun to illuminate my own.
Before I continue writing about him, I wanted to share this moment of reflection — because genealogy isn’t just about discovering where we come from. Sometimes it’s about discovering why we are the way we are.
And in my case, it seems that the echoes of a grandfather I never knew have been with me all along.
No comments:
Post a Comment